


Knots

by gonan



Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: F/M, Introspection, Loneliness, Post-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:34:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22970329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonan/pseuds/gonan
Summary: Everything in Maeve’s life has gone wrong and it’s all her fault.
Relationships: Otis Milburn/Maeve Wiley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	Knots

**Author's Note:**

> short vent x  
> i love miss wiley

The night after her mother and sister were taken away was lonely. She made sure it was.

Isaac was more than happy to keep her company through it, but there came a certain point in the night where she knew that she would have to return to that empty trailer alone. Prolonging the inevitable would just make the pain worse in the end, so when their dinner plates were empty and a pleasant lull had formed in their conversation, Maeve excused herself with a grateful smile and a promise to pop over in the morning for breakfast. Isaac tried convincing her to stay a bit longer, maybe watch some shitty game shows on the telly — “In honor of your victory,” he’d said with a cheeky grin — but she knew herself, and she knew that if nothing else she was an expert in two things: going it alone and suffering the consequences of her actions.

She needed time to process everything for herself. It wasn’t as if she was going to suddenly develop the emotional maturity she was lacking in one night and be able to talk things out with him in a concise way like some sort of regular healthy person would.

Aimee had read their horoscopes the other day from some trashy magazine while they smoked out the bathroom window. Sagittarius was told that relying on their friends and family would lead to stronger bonds and mutual healing down the road. 

Aquarius had rocky times ahead that would seem to have no end in sight. 

And it wasn’t as if she believed in those sorts of fanciful things like Aimee did. She’d scoffed at the sparkly little paragraph written in mocking bubble letters that had basically just told her to go fuck herself, asserting to her best friend that she would go all Romeo and defy the stars if that was what they had to say to her. What a clueless wanker. Her and Romeo alike. Aimee had thought it was all very badass and poetic of her to say so at the time, but that can-do spirit had done her no good when it came down to actually trying to forge her own happiness in a world that had been determined to withhold it from her from the very start. 

Sure, she had good friends despite it all. Better ones than she probably deserved. Aimee, for one, and now Isaac, though it had been a long and painful journey towards being able to refer to either one of them as such. She had fought it tooth and nail the whole time, not being able to picture herself relying on anyone. Emotionally or otherwise. And she certainly couldn’t see being of any help in return.

She pushed everyone she loved away. First she’d royally fucked up with Otis, the very thought of whom brought a fresh pinprick of tears rushing back as they had when he’d first told her that she wasn’t being fair to him. Maeve didn’t see how it was entirely on her that neither of them had plucked up the courage to voice their feelings sooner, but she’d known as soon as she had said the words aloud that the timing had been all wrong. They’d just missed each other one too many times, she supposed, and all that she’d wanted in the end was to at least be able to tell him once. No matter how futile it would turn out to be.

And now this. All she had wanted was to be careful, to protect herself and her sister from the inevitability of their mum leaving on a drug-addled whim once again. It wasn’t just two scared teenagers she’d be leaving behind now, it was a vulnerable young child, and now that Maeve was back in school she wouldn’t have the time or money to provide Elsie with the care she needed. Maeve knew all too well what it was like to grow up with only the questionably earned spare quid of an absent older sibling to rely on, and she wouldn’t wish it on the little brat for the world. She deserved so much more than that.

But would she get any of the familial love she deserved in a foster home? Would she resent her sister the rest of her life for sending her away, just as her mother had promised to before she’d driven away for good?

As Maeve pushed open the sticky door to her trailer, a sliver of pale moonlight cut diagonally across the floor to the couch. She released a long sigh at the empty space that greeted her. No one would be coming back to fill in those gaps now. Not even for the passing days that she had begun resenting them for more and more with each passing year. All she had left were the curtained windows, vacant chairs, and that same thrumming loneliness that beat rhythmically in time with her aching heart as it always had.

And maybe she was an even better writer than she had thought — so much so that her essay had become a self-fulfilling prophecy.


End file.
